Sex Self-Help

Sexual problems are only a concern if they cause you distress or worry. Sexual problems may not affect your life at all. But if they affect your well-being or your relationship with your partner, you may want to seek a solution.

There are many things you can do alone or with a partner to address a sexual problem. Educate yourself. Check your library or local bookstore for books about sex. Learn about your body and how it works. Sex for both partners can include activities other than intercourse, including oral sex, manual stimulation, and masturbation with or without a partner. Try sensual, nonsexual activities like massage. Talk to your partner about your likes and dislikes. An open, honest dialogue can lead to greater understanding and help clear up conflicts. Learn to separate sex from stress. For example, couples with fertility issues may want to try having sex just for the sake of pleasure and intimacy rather than for achieving pregnancy.

Smoking, alcohol and drugs can affect sexual response for both women and men. Smoking can slow down blood flow in the sexual organs and cause arousal problems. Alcohol and drugs affect how your body responds. A good first step in addressing sexual problems is to stop or limit smoking and the use of drugs or alcohol.

Before you see your health care provider about sexual concerns, you may want to try some of the following tips.

For Enhanced Desire

  • Resolve relationship concerns, stresses, misunderstandings about sex and other issues that may be affecting you and your partner.
  • Focus less on intercourse and more on intimacy.
  • Improve your sexual knowledge and skills.
  • Make time for sexual activity and focus on and pleasuring each other.

For Increased Arousal

  • Be well rested.
  • Increase the time spent on foreplay.
  • Try using a vaginal lubricant for dryness.
  • Do Kegel exercises (contract and relax pelvic muscles).
  • Do not smoke.

To Help You Have an Orgasm

  • Increase sexual stimulation.
  • Try using sex toys.
  • Use mental imagery and fantasy.

To Minimize Pain

  • Try different positions or sexual activities that do not involve intercourse.
  • Allow plenty of time for arousal before penetration.
  • Use a lubricant.
  • Empty your bladder before sex.
  • Take a warm bath.

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